Dearest dear dear

Okay, after my conversation with clumsythinker, she gave me a really good path to follow for the details of the 2nd narrator's trip. And i think i can come up with a good parallel for the 1st narrator to follow based off of that.

The words flowed more easily this time. I think it just helps to know she's got my back.

So i've been trying new things lately, which cuts down on the t.v. time. i've been writing, blogging, flickring (slowly) and commenting on this one atheist message board (Richard Dawkins.net which was sort of fun for a day). There's talk of a cartoon (strip or animated or both, i'm not sure), a second book (and i was graciously given the story idea for a third), and there are always other things to do, just to keep pace in this work-a-day life.

but i'm glad i'm doing these things because i had been stagnant for so long. it's good to be doing things again, even if it's this Web 2.0 Jizzazz.

Who's got enough change for a donut?

I'm looking into a void, here, at this point in the second narrator's plot. I know where she's going, but right now I have no idea other than generalities of how she gets there. And I completely don't know what to do with my first narrator. Big ol' question mark.

I'm trying not to panic about it. I remembered today after I wrote a couple more inches towards the edge of the cliff that I can skip around if i need to. That was my big epiphany a few posts ago, and it would be stupid not to at least try it out.

So i'm going to skip ahead, I think. I'll have to think about it though, because I'm in uncharted waters as it is. I've been sort of freestyling it for a bit and it's worked pretty well. What it does not do is prepare you for moments like this. Of course the main advantage is its a big adventure that I'm finding out as i go, but right now we're stuck at the gas station at three am with no money. We'll get out of this, sure, but I'm a little weirded out by the toothless old men sitting out front hehing to themselves.

I could always try those writer's block exercises. Nice to know I have something to lean back on, like a trust fall, only if i need it.

emotional brain juice

So as I was writing today, I became aware of what I had been unconsciously doing. It was like a little gift of creative juice, and i didn't need to change anything i had written, but now i can tease out details that will strengthen it. It satisfies my need for symmetry, my desire for strong characters, inspiration for plot and dialog, and it's really simple and i should have thought of it sooner.

You know, those, "well, of course, it had to be that way," moments (which I'm sure I've read about on Neil Gaiman's blog, and I think I understand now better than I did).

clumsy thinker's read it up to where I am in the book and she has been the perfect shade of supportive and constructive. She has been my greatest charm against my self-doubt and has given me the balls to wave my fist in my face and DO IT.

So i also realized that i am following practically step by step what this guy i knew from a previous job did while we worked there together. He was writing a book, and he had a blog about it (it was his website, but it was his journal about his book), and the book was interesting and it seemed like it was going somewhere and then ... well, i don't know if he never finished the book or if i just stopped hearing about it. There were other things going on in his life that understandably took precedence.

Hang on, I'll check.

I found him on Amazon, and traced him a bit from there (found a few other friends on the way) but I couldn't find any home page for him. Ah well.

Anyway, I am keeping the image in mind as a reminder that I want this to go somewhere. I want to finish this for realzies.

Okay, I did write

A little, very little. I feel like i went to work too soon and I'm a tired little mucous boy. But it felt like I spent so much time goofing around today that I had to write a little. And it was funny, so that was nice.

By the way, do yourself a favor and don't do a Google Image search for "mucous". Horrific.

Also, why is slime so happy?

I suppose because it's about to play soccer. That slime is way too active for how i feel.

why would this happen?

Reading an article with Will Ferrel, I come across the name "Mitzigawa Hytzu-tzeki". I look up "Mitzigawa Hytzu-tzeki" in Google and I get one hit, that article. Good chance it's totally made up. Oh, except:
"Did you mean: Mitzigawa Hytzu-tazaki?"

Oh, maybe I did, lead on!

"Your search - Mitzigawa Hytzu-tazaki - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.
Try fewer keywords."

How did that happen?

Been sick

Getting better. Today I had waffles! Yay1

we had chrisfmas today and i got some journals to write in. i got a tiny one i loved until clumsy thinker said "i can't take you seriously looking like that," and i said, i don't care it's cute, and she said "why don't you blog about it" and i said "maybe i will" and she said "i'll kill you fucker!" and i said "look out!" and we were all smashed by a meteor.

oid.

i like my new fambly.

merry something!

Wrote a couple pages. Today was gift exchange. I got a battle matt (technically, according to clumsy thinker, "a Combat Matt") for D&D which am love. clumsy thinker got a camera lens she wanted so much, so there were many smiles today.

yay for crapmas!

(ps, i did not get an assload of legos and build this, i stole the picture from Google Images, i don't even know where this came from, but since i made like three Simpsons references in this post, i thought what the hell)

Oh, you startled me!

Writing snuck up on me. (Yes, I'm aware that 'sneaked' is the proper form, but i've always liked "snuck" better. Hell, i like "snucked" better.) I was going about my business and then I was writing. Nice.

I have a feeling that if I keep this up, I won't be aware of starting to write as much, but I'll notice NOT writing, and I'll be thinking of more stuff each day that I will write down and then I'll think of new stuff because I already wrote down the other stuff.

And somehow we have free energy!

That is sneaky. Sneaky energy.

Too tired NOT to write, amirite?

Wasn't going to write tonight, lots of reasons, none of them good. Was going to crash and not worry about it, but i thought, "just a few minutes."

I actually talked myself INTO writing!

That's gotta be a first. It sort of reminded me of when I wrote papers in college. I'd put it off until I was forced to vomit brilliance on the page. So, I wrote a scene where someone was critiquing the narrator's work, and I got to say all the things I was afraid of and pin it to words. Just doing that made me feel better about what i was doing.

Yay sleep.

Read this!

Wrote a couple pages today and had fun with dramatic irony. I think it's dramatic irony. It's not just plain irony, I know that... maybe it was sarcasm.

No ... because no one talks about dramatic sarcasm.

Anyway, it was fun, but I'm always concerned with the pitfalls of writing this book the way I am. I'm being too clever, or it's been done a million times and it's just I've somehow never heard of Star Wars.

"Really? Your story's about a kid with magical powers who has a 'sabre' made of 'light'."
"Yes, why are you being so dramatically sarcastic?"
"Tell you I will not."
"Now you're just doing a weird voice and talking backwards."
"Seriously?"

Anyway, on with the show!

Shit! I have no second act!

uh ...

LOOKAPONY!

Finished! Psych!

I dragged at work all day today. I felt I was asleep, and actually rested my eyes while during the conference call today. That's the first time I've done that since I got hired for this position. I was seriously zombied.

Still, when I got home, I surfed the Web a bit and then started writing. And kept writing. And wrote three pages. I was a little surprised in where the story was taking me, but I was still interested. It was a dream sequence, mainly, and I now see the sort-of-irony.

Dreams are not as hard in a story as they are in real life, I think. In a story, all the elements are there and mean something. In real life, nothing means anything, even the obvious stuff, the only thing that's true is that you're boring the hell out of anyone in earshot. You remember the dream being powerful because you had a powerful experience that absolutely does not translate with words and images. In a story, on the other hand, it's a story within-a-story and it's a mystery and your job is to figure out the clues. What does the penguin with the hat mean?

For the record, there were no penguins or non sequiturs in the dream.

I think you still run the risk of having a boring dream in a boring story, but that's a different challenge.

At any rate, I reached the end of the red book, filling in the right-hand side of the pages, and now I've flipped the book and am writing upside-down for the rest. Well, we'll see how it goes, I'm a moderately heavy writer, and this paper is somewhat thin. I may just bail and start a new book, but that would be an accomplishment for me anyway. I've never finished a notebook, ever ever ever ever ever ever (and in case you think I copied/pasted that, I didn't, I really mean it) ever finished a notebook.

Now look at me! I may just be a writer, yet.

This is a funny man!

It's true. All those Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Andy Samberg haters need to step somewhere, perhaps offwise.

clipped from worldofwonder.net

We weren't on a break!

Okay, so, even though I didn't blog, I did write Friday, Saturday, and today. This weekend was all about hanging out with other people, it seemed, but I did get some writing in, so I feel good about that. The book seems to be scooting past me periodically. I know I'm nowhere near the end. But I'm hella closer than I thought I would be at this point, pagewise.

Then again, that may just be me psyching myself out. I've already read the rejection letter, but i have to remind myself that i'm not writing this for any reason other than to tell this particular story. I'll feel like this until it's over, and it'll be over when the story's been told to my satisfaction. Whatever happens after the story has been told once I'm less concerned about.

But that's what dreams are for, right?

...

One sentence, but a good one!

A journey of a thousand miles

Just a paragraph, but i wrote.

Breakthrough!

I live for these moments. It's what gives me the inspiration to start the stories and how to finish them. But the middle is mostly slog. Sometimes a rewarding slog, but slog nonetheless. Today, I was thinking about where I was in the book and realized that I was was slowly but surely trying to write myself into a corner, or waste time on something that I wasn't ready to deal with. So, I decided to skip ahead and work on what my brain calls, "the next bit."

The next bit rocks, and I got all creative and shit ... I got excited about the book again, instead of giggling at what the characters were saying, I was having all these ideas of what to do next and then next oh and try to cram this in somewhere. That's how stories have their start in me, and, I suspect, in other writers.

But after the fun bits comes the hard part, the connecting point A to point B while laying the groundwork for point C. I guess that's what revision is for.

Anyway, I got distracted from my point. I may have better luck getting through this and finishing the book if I approach it as "write everything you want to on this bit. When you're done, move on to the next bit that interests you the most." And, hopefully, if I keep writing lots of lots of bits, then there won't be so much need for the deadly dull connecting. Maybe I'll just try it for a while and see how it feels.

Anything to keep this chain going.

Still here

One page.

The Day After Cake

I'm having a much harder time writing this post than i did earlier today when writing in my book. Yes, it was only two pages, but it was a good two pages. Good and tricky. It's, for me, the pivot, which kind of worries me because how soon after the pivot part of your story does your story have to end? Is it even important to have a pivot in your story? What do you even mean by 'pivot'?

I'm not even sure. Let me check.

Well, the internet and i don't really agree, if googling "pivot in literature" is any indication. Maybe there's a better phrase ...

Okay, "pivot point in stories" gave me a bunch of Wall $treet garbage ... Anyway, my definition is that it's the point in the story where a person crosses the median to go from one point of change to another. A character that changes in the course of a story in a way that is plausible enriches that story, and, just thinking out loud, there should be a point somewhere from point A to point B where they behave like a normal human being in that respect.

Person abhors math, needs math to do something else that they want to do, discovers love of math, uses math to save the world -- with hilarious results!

Point A is probably closer to the median than Point B ... the pivot would come sooner, if the story started with Point A. You could have the pivot predate your story, I suppose, but if your story ends prepivot then either that's not your main character or you've written a tragedy. Or a comedy. I forget. Let's see, comedy was when everyone got married and tragedy was when whoever should be dead was dead. Or something like that.

Anyway, forget what i said, there's no pivots in writing. I made up pivot points and it was stupid and i'm sorry.

TOO MUCH CAKE!

Today is Clumsy Thinker's birthday. I went to where she works and read a story to the people who hang out there. They seemed really appreciative. They are loud people! One insisted on having zero candies. Then we left and we had cake.

Too much cake with too times too much icing.

I wrote a fun little bit maybe a bit earlier than i would have normally, but the previous bit seemed to be flirting with me like, "hey, you know what would feel nice? Writing a bit from the girls' POV for a bit." And I am normally one to be all willy-nilly about my temptations, but I totally gave in, and I think it really works.

So, to recap:

WRITING = FUN

Divided by sometimes, but look, this book is about focusing on ...

whoops, almost gave it away.

wink!

Yes! Unbroken chain!

I totally wrote today, k!

Thumbs up!

I almost didn't write today because I was running around trying to find places all day. I tried to find this wholesale computer parts place, but the GPS gave up and said, "y'know, don't worry about it, you're there. No, you know what? You're there, and I'm done." And the building, let alone the store, was nowhere in sight. In fact, the only thing in view was a gas station, a medical building, and a Netflix building. I had no idea Netflix had a building in that neighborhood, and the only way I'd know how to find it again is to ask my GPS to look for a building that doesn't exist.

Well, sure it exists, but possibly in some pocket dimension where hippy pixies ride unisaurs and play banjos, and computer parts are ridiculously cheap.

Anyway, I got a bunch of stuff done but I completely didn't think of writing until an hour before now and Clumsy Thinker said, "Hey, are you going to write today?" and I was all, oh! I forgot! and then ... ohhhhhkayyyy ...

But then I wrote and I was happy about doing it because I got some good stuff down and I giggled a little inside. There were a couple of times I stopped and tried to think of what was going to happen next and then I realized the character was a couple of steps ahead of me and I had to write quickly to catch up.

I said to CT, "I don't know how much longer I can make this story," and she said, "I'll buy you another book!" all scornful exasperation. She actually wasn't scornful or exasperated, but I had to share that image with you. Thanks!

It's a lot easier if you don't think about it ...

Day Three of the writing experiment was moderately successful. I wrote three and three-quarters pages, back in the original narrator, and it was not that bad. I got some stuff out of my system and I feel I made some progress with the story. I'm setting up some stuff that will affect the other narrator and it could be fun.

Clumsy Thinker requested a pie chart, and I am happy to provide:

Of course, that's not a pie chart, but whatever. I guess if I can make the red line go higher and the blue line stay low, then I'll be a real boy.

I mean a writer.

I totally did it

It's normally about this time that I crash and burn and not follow through. I've never been very good with follow through ... i tend to hit things as hard and fast as i can at the outset and hope inertia can carry me through to spitting distance of the end.

So i tend to write short stories, plays and poems. Psh, books. What do i look like, someone ... er ... something ... ? I kinda gave up on that sentence because it was taking too long.

I wrote four and a bit pages today, which, if you're keeping score, means I'm, on average, putting out three and a quarter pages per month. Shouldn't be too hard to take that average up a bit. Let's see, that's less than a page a week. So, all i would really have to do is maybe write two pages a week and then i'd be shooting at 8 pages a month.

And of course I'm the type of person that waits until he has to write 8 pages in half an hour because i'm very stupid that way. I understand perfectly well why it would benefit me to do a little bit a day instead of a lot all at once. But it's like my brain is addicted to low to high levels of background stress that is constantly building, bubbling under the surface until WHAMMO it's GO time and there's a couple hours of hell, but whatever.

So, i must really love to put myself in do-or-die situations and succeeding, especially because i have the excuse that i didn't really take a lot of time to do this ... it's a crappy safety-net, and i'm liable to hurt myself.

Okay, last thought before i go do something else to celebrate: i really do enjoy writing. i was making myself giggle for what felt like hours because of what happened to one of my characters and how she handled it. I think that was the most fun writing i've had for a long time, and i think if i keep this up and have the right attitude, i could have a lot more of that.

It's giggle times ahoy!

The story so far ...

I started writing this book some time between March and October of 2006. I only know this because the previous entry in my red writing book is dated 3/12/06 and the next non-book related entry is notes for my Wedding Play which debuted 10/1/06. For some reason, I must have unconsciously decided to write with as few 'guilters' as possible. For me, knowing how much time that passes between efforts is hugely embarrassing.

Not embarrassing enough to actually write more frequently, but it doesn't have to be logical to fuck me up and keep me in this creative constipation.

What you didn't see there just now was a paragraph I started, stumbled to a halt for a few minutes until I decided it wasn't worth saving and junked. Rather than take the chance of seeing words I might have chosen differently sprawled on the page like a clumsy homicide, I call in the napalm strike and scorch the evidence.

That's part of what gives me pause about posting in a journal, but that's the price of wanting everyone to agree with your ego always and for always. Insert inspirational motivational motto here.

So, about this book. I really like it and I'd like to be done with it at the same time. It took me in the neighborhood of seven months to write twenty-four and a half hand-written pages. Each page has 29 ... rules I guess they're called? Hang on, I'll check, I don't want to ruin the mystique of the wordsmith. Yeah, they're called 'rules' and this book appears to be in A4 size. My handwriting is on the mediumish size I think ...

One line from the book from margin to margin:

and I stared at it. I lost all sense of time. My cigarette

Okay, I take it back, I clearly have gigantic handwriting.

So, after 10/1/06 to the next dated entry of 4/16/07 I wrote one and a half pages. Let's see, that's like ... four and a third months per page. Clearly, I had crawled into a creative shame-hole here.

Another fifteen and a half pages between then and now, and most of that is short-lined ...

And I like this book. I am interested in the story and I want it to have been written. I am just so ... bound up that I have to sneak some writing past myself when I'm not looking. So, I being me, I have to analyze this endlessly, grinding finer and finer until the dust of truth is revealed. This is what the process is and how I sabotage myself. If I know my tricks and tics, I can abuse them for my own gain.

I'm gonna rape my mind, y'all.

First!

Hi there. You sexy thang, you.